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December 4, 2012

Wezen-Ball

37 Candidates, 37 (non-PED) Excuses

by Larry Granillo

One reason not to vote for each of this year's Hall of Fame nominees that has nothing to do with steroids or other performance enhancing drugs.

  • Jack Morris (14th year on ballot) - His 105 ERA+ in 3,824 career innings pitched is nearly identical to Jamie Moyer's 104 ERA+ in 4,074 career innings.
  • Jeff Bagwell (3rd) - He would skyrocket to the top of the list of worst facial hair on a Hall of Fame plaque.
  • Lee Smith (11th) - Saves are overrated.
  • Tim Raines (6th) - He wasn't Rickey Henderson.
  • Alan Trammell (12th) - He was a great shortstop right before Cal Ripken redefined what it meant to be a great shortstop.
  • Edgar Martinez (4th) - He was a DH in Seattle.
  • Fred McGriff (4th) - He never seemed to learn anything from Tom Emanski.
  • Larry Walker (3rd) - His journey from Canada to Coors is too foreign.
  • Mark McGwire (7th) - His home runs into Big Mac Land helped to make America fat.
  • Don Mattingly (13th) - He never shaved those sideburns.
  • Dale Murphy (15th) - His amazing 1980s seasons weren't enough to erase his sudden decline in the 1990s.
  • Rafael Palmeiro (3rd) - As the fourth person ever to reach 3,000 hits and 500 home runs, it's no longer special.
  • Bernie Williams (2nd) - Classical guitar is more of a Cleveland thing.
  • Barry Bonds (1st) - He was a meanie jerkface.
  • Roger Clemens (1st) - His cameo in "Kingpin" was nowhere near as good as Cam Neely's in "Dumb & Dumber".
  • Mike Piazza (1st) - 396 home runs as a catcher doesn't even pass Dale Murphy's career home run total.
  • Curt Schilling (1st) - The bloody sock has been seized by the state of Rhode Island.
  • Kenny Lofton (1st) - He also wasn't Rickey Henderson.
  • Craig Biggio (1st) - His close association with Jeff Bagwell and Ken Caminiti means one thing: secret terrible facial hair.
  • Sammy Sosa (1st) - He wasn't Reggie Jackson.
  • David Wells (1st) - Perfect games are overrated, I'm told.
  • Steve Finley (1st) - 19th all-time in home runs after age 30, but just 1,172nd in home runs through 30—tied with Brian Schneider.
  • Julio Franco (1st) - Franco is actually ineligible for the Hall, based on the little known rule stating that a player must be on the ballot for the first time within 30 years of his MLB debut.
  • Reggie Sanders (1st) - Made the postseason six different times for five different teams, but helped win the World Series only once.
  • Shawn Green (1st) - Mike Schmidt will forever be the last player to hit four home runs in a single game and go on to the Hall of Fame.
  • Jeff Cirillo (1st) - Managed a career .430 slugging percentage playing from 1994 to 2007.
  • Woody Williams (1st) - His 103 career ERA+ is nearly idential to Jamie Moyer's 104 career ERA+.
  • Rondell White (1st) - A rule enacted in Hall of Fame voting since 2004: if you automatically picture the player in an Expos uniform when you hear his name, he cannot be admitted to the Hall.
  • Ryan Klesko (1st) - 1,736 career games and only 987 career RBI? He doesn't deserve a single vote, no matter what some say.
  • Aaron Sele (1st) - Middle name is Helmer, never actually helmed.
  • Roberto Hernandez (1st) - Players who take on false identities should not be rewarded, especially when they're still playing(!).
  • Royce Clayton (1st) - A .679 career OPS is barely better than Bill Mazeroski's .667 (and is worse when comparing OPS+, 78 to 84).
  • Jeff Conine (1st) - The Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown is for more than just Marlins players.
  • Mike Stanton (1st) - I know he's a great home run hitter, especially for a 22 year old, but we really should let his career play out before we give Stanton any Hall of Fame consideration.
  • Sandy Alomar, Jr. (1st) - Even for a catcher, playing only 1,377 games in 20 seasons is a bit low.
  • Jose Mesa (1st) - Has already earned his career accolades by finishing second in the Cy Young voting in 1995, ahead of David Cone and Mike Mussina.
  • Todd Walker (1st) - Played on seven teams in 12 seasons.

See? It wasn't so hard!

4 comments have been left for this article. (Click to hide comments)

BP Comment Quick Links

Karl Hungus

If Stanton tosses a tilde above the n this year you should reconsider. As far as Palmeiro goes even less impressive was the fact he was the fourth or fifth on Sandberg's wife, not the first.

Dec 04, 2012 07:53 AM
rating: 1
 
boards

Pardon my ignorance, but I have no idea what this means.

Dec 04, 2012 08:38 AM
rating: 2
 
SC

I just hope Julio Franco unretires and latches on with a team every 10 years or so to maintain ballot eligibility.

Only seven more players have GI more DPs than him!

Maybe we need to open a "hall of outliers" nearby. Mark Whitten demands consideration!

Dec 04, 2012 15:36 PM
rating: 0
 
Eric C. Johnson

Does Julio Franco dream of electric sheep? He does and this is why he isn't eligible for the hall.

Dec 11, 2012 06:23 AM
rating: 0
 
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Wezen-Ball: The SPBA's... (11/28)
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Wezen-Ball: The Ron Le... (12/10)
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