So-called artistic production hits the skillet to sizzle but is in fact routine and unmusical When new students were mentioned at the stickball game I asked for their area code and predicted they’d be awful I was writing poetry about the moon and men were calling those poems patriotic Go home and clean your drain…
Bombs. Dingers. Homers, taters, goners, blasts. I love these words, but I hear them a lot. So I created my own list of home run metaphors, fresh and new. For my source material, I turned to the novellas of E.T.A. Hoffmann. His playful, early-nineteenth-century romantic fantasies are packed with expansive and intentionally silly overstatements. They’re…
The damn stove wasn’t working again. I hate having to light a match to fix it. I’m afraid I’ll burn myself and then have to explain to people what happened. It had become very important to me that on weekday mornings I have a breakfast of eggs and coffee, and in order to cook the…
From the first-base side of the 400 level of Citizens Bank Park, everything falls into view: the green-on-green tartan of the grass, the crisp edges of the infield dirt and foul lines, the whole arc of the outfield wall and the bushes and the tall, glittering screen and all its flecks of aligning light. Television…
I – You’re left wondering how long he thought about doing it. He takes off without hesitation the moment Alcantara drops his head. Was it observing some pattern pre-game? Some trend an eagle-eyed staffer identified through hours of watching isolated footage? A simple wager between teammates? Did he think about it all year? Did he…
TO: All staff FROM: Doug RE: Office laptops Hey gang, just a reminder that your work computers are just that–for WORK. They are NOT for personal use. Please don’t remove them from the premises without checking with me. Thanks. TO: All staff FROM: Doug RE: Office laptops, again I can’t believe I have to do…
It was a nice hotel suite. My guest paid for it. He was sweaty the entire time, in any sense of the word I have seen it used. It was obvious he practiced his questions beforehand. I felt sorry for how hard he tried to make them sound off the cuff, to be honest. Each…
Former Giants outfielder Angel Pagan is safe and sound after being rescued at sea in Puerto Rico (via @DaltonJ_Johnson) https://t.co/e7E6pth5br pic.twitter.com/RVrWDCzH74 — SF Giants on NBCS (@NBCSGiants) May 29, 2019 He did not know, when they set out– Two men and a boy, on a fishing trip, The rhythm of his days now, Retired at…
Oh my goodness. You did it. You did a split. Is it an Olympic-level split? Probably not, no. It is close enough, though. It looked at the task at hand and completed it. Often that’s all you could ask for. You don’t understand why the word ‘serviceable’ has a whiff of insult to it. Maybe…
This past Tuesday, the Charleston RiverDogs, A-ball affiliate of the New York Yankees, hosted “Average Night,” a celebration of baseball averages, but also, averageness in the greater sense. “Are you one of your parents’ favorite children? A solid five?” asked the video promos, inviting you to come on out–on a Tuesday, the most average of…
As a whole, the uniform landscape across Major League Baseball is a picturesque one. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a baseball uniform that is objectively ugly. Even though MLB uniforms are in a good state right now, it’s still always a lovely breeze of fresh air to see teams turn back the clock and wear…
Baseball has been played professionally in San Antonio since at least the late 1880s, when the city was a charter member of the Texas League. The history of chili in the city is much harder to trace, with many travelers coyly referring to “stews” that will “make one malodorous for days,” as one lady traveler…
When Christian Stephen Yelich, his oak tree strength forged in, fittingly enough, Thousand Oaks, California, hit another towering home run, or dinger, or tater, first coined as another word for home run by Phernum Terance “Sleepy” Rosewater in a Somerville, Tennessee Taco Bell in 1971, despite the fast food establishment never serving tater tots, according…
Despite pouring money into improving the product in the off-season, MiLB.tv remains charmingly low-rent, which is exactly how I like it. Give me broadcaster chatter and Power Point slide art and wonky camera angles any day over slickly produced MLB.tv content or that godawful Imagine Dragons song being shouted at me every half-inning through a…
Flanigan Loveless raced to Dewey + Truman Advertising Agency’s Conference Room E in a futile effort to outpace his brain. “People, we are deep down in the gutter drain,” Loveless began after a long swig of warm water. “We got to get in front of this drain…” A second gulp. “Fast before we sink. It…
The rain had started around midday, and it couldn’t have matched the mood more accurately. Bryce Harper‘s return to Washington had been anticipated so much by local fans in a cold, sad way. With no motivation to root for their former star, Nationals fans had enthusiastically embraced Harper’s new villainous role, with many using duct…