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Prospectus Hit List for April 29



by Matt Sussman

Hit List for April 27 Hit List for May 1
Teams are ordered based on Adjusted Hit List Factor, a computer generated number, and the author isn't responsible for the order of the teams.

Allow us to present DRA: Daily ROFL Assistance.

RkTmWLW1W2W3HLFAHLFWin Div%Win WC%Playoff%1-Day7-Day
1

14

6

14.1

15.3

14.8

.591

.610

20.9%

12.4%

33.3%

3.5%

3.6%

It took until 2015, but Royals fans are finally growing teeth and talons in places previously reserved for tears and regret.
2

12

8

12.1

13.6

13.2

.619

.600

82.4%

10.4%

92.8%

-1.5%

-1.5%

[Brandon McCarthy livetweets his own Tommy John surgery and it's very clinical and fascinating, but not entertaining whatsoever] [Brandon McCarthy loses half his followers] [Brandon McCarthy gains 10 followers from surgery spambots]
3

13

7

12.4

13.9

13.9

.573

.592

21.2%

14.6%

35.8%

2.8%

16.1%

Fun with inverse math: you could stack two Chris Carter batting averages on top of each other and not equal Jose Altuve's batting average.
4

14

7

12.0

13.7

13.2

.570

.589

56.9%

10.8%

67.7%

-1.7%

-3.9%

Al Alburquerque relief appearances border on performance art and should be graded as such. A walk followed by a wild pitch should represent society's struggle with its own inequality, and getting out of the inning without allowing a run represents the absurdity of it all.
5

13

8

13.2

13.4

14.0

.566

.586

18.0%

23.5%

41.5%

3.5%

17.5%

What were the odds Masahiro Tanaka was going to suffer yet another injury? In this day and age, about 1 in 4.
6

13

6

13.0

13.2

12.2

.605

.585

50.2%

24.2%

74.4%

3.8%

-0.2%

They're basically the lone team in the NL Central with a lineup, which makes us wonder if they're in violation of baseball's antitrust exemption.
7

11

10

10.5

12.4

12.7

.546

.566

29.8%

27.3%

57.1%

-1.5%

10.2%

They recently designated Everett Teaford for assignment after they disovered he was actually a fencer.
8

12

7

11.6

12.4

12.5

.584

.565

34.5%

29.3%

63.8%

1.8%

8.3%

How would "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" have been different if the pitcher batted eighth that day? Well for one, the Bears wouldn't be winning.
9

9

12

12.1

12.8

13.1

.538

.558

15.5%

12.7%

28.2%

2.1%

-6.3%

All the A's position players have seven letters of fewer, so you could fit their names into a lineup in "Base Wars" for the NES. You must also make Billy Butler the tank, Josh Reddick the motorcycle, and Sam Fuld the flying saucer.
10

15

6

13.5

12.3

12.2

.569

.549

48.4%

16.9%

65.3%

-2.7%

8.1%

Eric Campbell is batting cleanup for the Mets, because when you prefill out 162 lineups with "third base" batting fourth and David Wright gets injured, you're pretty much locked in.
11

11

10

9.7

10.2

10.3

.520

.540

38.9%

25.0%

63.9%

-2.8%

-11.7%

This year during the seventh inning stretch, Fenway Park now sings the traditional "Can The Gentleman In Section 118 Row R Please Warm Up In The Bullpen"
12

9

10

9.7

10.2

10.4

.499

.519

5.2%

9.1%

14.3%

-0.9%

-3.7%

Brad Brach, Brad Brach, what you gonna do, what you gonna do, when he pitches for you, Brad Brach, Brad Brach.
13

9

11

9.7

7.9

8.1

.493

.513

35.8%

15.1%

51.0%

-5.3%

-11.3%

Look. He made a mistake, owned up to it, and spent years trying to stay on the right path so that he doesn't make this type of mistake again. But enough about Jerry DiPoto signing Josh Hamilton.
14

10

11

11.1

9.3

9.6

.487

.507

8.1%

14.3%

22.4%

1.5%

-4.1%

Devon Travis has six home runs this year. Last year he hit his sixth home run in Double-A on July 20.
15

9

11

7.9

7.9

8.0

.471

.491

24.2%

14.8%

39.0%

3.6%

2.8%

If we're annually going to do that thing where we make cow sounds whenever Fernando Rodney surpasses his earned run allowed total from that amazing 2012 season ... moo.
16

11

10

11.8

10.0

9.6

.505

.485

11.1%

19.6%

30.7%

-2.8%

9.2%

Before he gets demoted from his ninth-inning role, we better finish our rendition of "Hold Me Closer, Mark Melancon."
17

11

11

11.2

10.0

10.4

.504

.484

9.9%

27.4%

37.3%

-5.6%

-20.1%

The team leader in wins, with three, is setup man Joaquin Benoit. He is also the team leader in holds, gaps, clods, potpourri, whangdoodles, and splines reticulated.
18

8

9

7.4

6.8

7.2

.461

.481

12.9%

9.6%

22.6%

-1.1%

3.0%

Robin Ventura is fine with his team standing up for himself in fights, but cautioned against his players approaching the other team's old, balding pitchers.
19

9

12

11.2

11.2

11.2

.501

.481

8.7%

9.8%

18.4%

2.1%

8.4%

Last year Rafael Sorino had a 1.13 WHIP and a 3.08 FIP. But he's a free agent, and I certainly have no idea why I would mention this in a line about the Marlins, a team with two combined saves.
20

8

13

8.5

8.6

8.3

.486

.466

39.9%

20.2%

60.1%

3.0%

-18.1%

Max Scherzer realizes his job's a little easier without a DH, right?
21

10

10

9.4

9.7

9.7

.479

.459

3.5%

8.7%

12.2%

0.9%

1.3%

On-base percentage is hip, and Devin Mesocraco has walked twice in three pinch-hit appeaerances while recovering from a sore hip, so his recovery is looking good.
22

6

13

7.6

7.2

7.7

.432

.452

6.7%

4.8%

11.5%

-2.7%

-8.9%

Carlos Santana is playing Pictionary. Once again, he draws "a walk." He stands there for about a minute, signs, then takes his points.
23

10

10

10.4

9.9

9.7

.469

.449

2.6%

3.3%

5.9%

-0.9%

-1.8%

It was nice of them to send 11 men to the plate in the second inning, that way we could all agree that they batted around. It was also nice of them to lose after being up 9-1, so we could all agree this is hilarious.
24

11

9

9.1

9.5

9.1

.468

.448

2.0%

7.3%

9.3%

-0.9%

3.7%

We're not sure who the Rockies' emergency catcher is, but if you call Charles Johnson up and ask nicely he'll be there for you. (He's only one year older than LaTroy Hawkins.)
25

9

12

7.6

9.1

8.8

.464

.444

5.2%

17.9%

23.0%

3.9%

7.3%

Justin Maxwell may have finally earned a starting spot on a baseball team at 31 years of age. He was drafted in the same round as Chris Getz.
26

7

13

8.0

6.6

6.4

.416

.436

3.2%

3.5%

6.7%

-1.7%

-4.6%

The Rangers may have to give a Player To Be Named Later to the Angels for Josh Hamilton. If you don't know what a PTBNL is, basically it's Adam Rosales.
27

9

11

7.6

6.9

7.8

.416

.436

2.6%

2.5%

5.1%

0.7%

1.1%

In Joe Mauer's MVP season of 2009, he hit 28 home runs (606 PA). This is the same number of home runs Mauer has hit since 2011 (2000+ PA).
28

9

11

10.2

8.7

8.6

.452

.432

0.6%

2.9%

3.5%

0.2%

-1.5%

Replacing the rookies' bats with styrofoam ones is a pretty good gag in theory, but at some point a teammate needs to step up and let Nick Ahmed in on the joke.
29

8

13

6.2

6.5

6.4

.371

.353

0.4%

0.6%

1.0%

-0.3%

-0.2%

Di� did Domonic Brown just get Wally Pipped by Jeff Francoeur?
30

4

17

5.2

4.7

5.1

.360

.342

0.7%

1.7%

2.4%

-1.0%

-2.8%

It was only a matter of time before this team broke out of this terrible losing skid. And when that happens, you'll be the first to know.