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December 12, 2013

BP Unfiltered

Stand Up to Cancer...and Fernando Valenzuela

by Russell A. Carleton

Do you have a hard-to-shop-for baseball fan on your list? Have they ever wanted to have a portrait painted by Didi Gregorius? Or to go golfing with Fernando Valenzuela? Or to join the A's Front Office? Keep reading!

This month, MLB and Stand Up to Cancer (SU2C) are having a charity auction to raise money for SU2C. It ends tonight. Like many people reading this, I have lost some very dear people to cancer. I stand up for my cousin Darin and my father-in-law, both taken far too soon. I'm happy to see MLB become involved in this effort. Beyond that, I'm happy to see that MLB is getting rather... creative with some of the items up for auction. Sure, most of them are fairly standard memorabilia/ticket/VIP packages and chances to watch batting practice on the field, but it's worth scrolling through for a few giggles.

After all, one prize is to have Bryce Harper and Anthony Rendon come to your school for lunch. No word on whether Harper will sit behind you in class and say "That's a clown question, bro" when your teacher asks you to name the capital of Iowa. This prize apparently also comes in a Chris Davis flavor.

The Diamondbacks' offer of a portrait painting session with shortstop (and artist!) Didi Gregorius wins the award for the most unique auction item and the coolest hidden talent in baseball. And yes, you can bid on the chance to go down Bernie the Brewer's slide. That's sooooooo cool.

But then, there are also the bizarre prizes. The Brewers are also offering to send the racing sausages (okay, so the interns in costume) to your summer barbecue. Does that strike anyone else as poetic in a rather macabre way? (As an added bonus, you get a Norichika Aoki game-used Brewers jersey, because Aoki won't need it anymore.)

You can golf with Fernando Valenzuela. I don't know that I've ever considered this possibility of "things I could do with a day," until now.

The Blue Jays and Mariners are both offering a chance to join their respective grounds crews for the day. What kind of prize is it when you make someone mow the lawn?

The Padres are offering a private base-running lesson with Dave Roberts. (See that white thing, 90 feet away? Run really fast until you get there!)

But the thing that would probably make the most hearts go tha-thump tha-thump here at BP (other than the Mike Trout meet and greet) is the chance to join the A's Front Office for a day. As part of your package, you get to meet Brad Pitt, fly to Cleveland to trade for a left-handed pitcher, and as an added bonus, we'll even throw in a BP #RIPYourNameHere hashtag on Twitter.

Or you could just hang out with Joe Maddon

In all seriousness and silliness, please do take a look and consider a donation to a really worthy cause, and a chance to do something fun at the old ballgame.

Russell A. Carleton is an author of Baseball Prospectus. 
Click here to see Russell's other articles. You can contact Russell by clicking here

Related Content:  Stand Up To Cancer

8 comments have been left for this article. (Click to hide comments)

BP Comment Quick Links


You missed mentioning the Michael Cuddyer magic show. (too many jokes...)

I like how the Yankee Stadium tour includes tickets to a "Non-Premium" game...

Dec 12, 2013 12:55 PM
rating: 3
BP staff member Russell A. Carleton
BP staff

You're right, I did! Also, you can have lunch with Dayton Moore.

Dec 12, 2013 13:05 PM

Lunch with DMGM is an interesting idea. If for no other reason than to ask, "Dude, what were you thinking?"

Dec 13, 2013 07:50 AM
rating: 3

Unfortunately for anyone who wants this prize, I would guess Rany is ready to spend insane amounts of money to win it.

Dec 13, 2013 08:43 AM
rating: 5

Does a Nick Punto batting helmet really qualify as "game-used"?

Dec 13, 2013 07:13 AM
rating: 3

Helmet, yes.

Bat, no.

Dec 13, 2013 07:48 AM
rating: 3
Bryan Cole

There are few examples of Gregorius' art readily available on the web (read: on the first page of a Google search). Here's a drawing he did of Batman and Bane. https://twitter.com/DidiG18/status/389549381583519744/photo/1

Dec 16, 2013 13:39 PM
rating: 0

Damn you Carleton. I saw this last week and had the same idea. You smart smart man you!

Dec 22, 2013 04:12 AM
rating: 0
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Premium Article Prospects Will Break Y... (12/11)
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